Black Panther 21 Questions

I’m throwing it back to my Spelhouse days right here. The Maroon Tiger, Morehouse’s student publication, used to run a section called “21 Questions” that was basically one long, petty subtweet. These are my 21 Questions after watching Black Panther…

  1. Is there a Mrs. M’Baku up in them mountains? If so, is there any ritual combat for wives? LMK.
  2. Does Wakanda have an airport? Or are non-Wakandans not allowed in? Because it seems like they would be a bit confused when they landed in what they thought was a poor farming country and it looked like New Singapore in there…
  3. Also, are regular Wakandans not allowed to leave? Because if they do go out into the world, it seems like N’Jobu wouldn’t be the only one giving up the cheat codes…
  4. Why couldn’t Wakanda give aid anonymously to struggling black folks?
  5. Why do y’all think that arming negroes around the world (as Killmonger wanted to do) is the answer? Because ninjas in the hood got plenty guns and for some reason, we still ain’t free…
  6. According to the news segment that was discussing T’Chaka’s death towards the beginning of the movie, Wakanda doesn’t trade with other countries. Does that mean Wakanda’s don’t have like Coke or Skittles n shit? I mean, Wakanda sounds cool and all but if I’ma move there, I’ma need my Thomas English Muffins and my Lip Bar lipsticks, B.
  7. Who exactly was N’Jobu spying on in the hood in LA? Were the Bloods really posing a threat to Wakandan national security?
  8. Why couldn’t Nakia just gone head and assume the throne again?
  9. Speaking of Nakia, what exactly was her mission in the truck? Who does she work for? Does Wakanda have a secret break-women-out-of-bondage task force?
  10. If T’Chaka was grooming T’Challa to be King for years, why did he never, like, mention the cousin and potential challenger to the thrown?
  11. Has any character in the Marvel universe ever been more of a badass than Okoye?
  12. Why is Angela Bassett in the movie if they not gone use her? Bish can act and they got her in there looking like the dreadlock Cleopatra, with like 5 lines. Use mama Angela in the next movie, please!
  13. Daniel Kaluuya’s characters are pretty much always making poor decisions. Even here in Black Panther, his choice makes no sense. He sided with Killmonger because Killmonger delivered “justice” in the form of Klaue’s murder for his parents’ death. However, Killmonger’s father is the one who gave Klaue the cheat codes to go blow up Wakanda and kill his parents in the first place. Why did he think the enemy of his friend was his friend?
  14. If the Black Panther suit is bulletproof, why did T’Chaka kill his brother when he pulled a gun on Zuri instead of just stepping in front of Zuri to stop the bullet then disarming his brother?
  15. Also, do you remember at the end of The Bodyguard when Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner didn’t get together, and you were like…but, why (*shocker* secret service agents, as well as famous singers, get married literally all the time)? That’s how I felt when T’Chaka left young Erik in L.A. Why exactly couldn’t they just throw his lil tail in the ride and bizzounce back to Wakanda?
  16. Why are y’all caping so hard for this quote about death being better than bondage? I have seen so many African-American people repeating this like it came straight from Jesus’ mouth. But aren’t all of y’all the descendants of the ninjas that didn’t jump overboard on the slave ship? Didn’t all of y’all ancestors choose the will to live over the right to die? Isn’t that how y’all got here? I am so confused. You mean to tell me that you would rather your great-great-great-great grands drowned themselves than held the hope in their hearts that led them through turmoil, freedom, and family straight to you? You would rather have been the seed of a seed of a seed at the bottom of an ocean than sitting here watching Wakandan glory? Oh, okay.
  17. How many Ls can someone take in the span of like, two weeks? I just re-watched Avengers: Civil War before seeing BP, and that takes place in the 1 week after King T’Chaka’s death that lead up to the Black Panther film. Between these two films, T’Challa:
    1. Let’s his daddy get blown to smithereens;
    2. Tries to kill the wrong man for the bombing, more than once, and fails, more than once, and gets his own ass beat, more than once;
    3. Gets his block knocked off by M’Baku before rallying for a last-minute win;
    4. Breaks a promise to his best friend to capture the man who killed his best friend’s parents, leading to that friend losing all trust and faith in him;
    5. Let’s Klaue escape;
    6. Fails to capture Killmonger when he helps Klaue escape;
    7. Gets his block not only knocked off, but completely decimated by Killmonger;
    8. Loses his throne;
    9. Leaves his mama and sister out here completely HANGING with a mad ass nephew on the thrown tryna kill ery’body;
    10. Starts a civil war in order to get his throne back;
    11. Brings the same white CIA officer who patronized him as a “third world” negroid and also let Klaw escape into Wakanda despite everybody’s advice not to,
    12. after he already brought some kind of Hydra Manchurian Candidate who could still possibly go into kill mode at any time if someone reads him a nursery rhyme into Wakanda where he is just chillin in a hut with T’Challa’s sister. I mean seriously, T’Challa made just about every bad decision and took about every L possible.
  18. What do ordinary Wakandans have to say about their King being blown up, then his son being dethroned, then a civil war ensuing and also their King outing them to the U.N. and giving away their birthright?
  19. Is it time for democracy in Wakanda? Because the monarchy is…uh…questionable.
  20. Is Wakanda like Qatar where the government just pays for everything and hands out money? If so, can I become a citizen if I marry M’Baku?
  21. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND THE FOUR HOUR CUT AND SEND IT TO ME, THANKS?!

That is all.

-Dij

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